giving her information written by a
doctor finally did the trick.”
Without a doubt, grandparents can
be a blessing. Your child gets a special
confidant, your family’s sense of
tradition is strengthened, and, if you’re
lucky, you score free babysitting from
people who love your kids almost as
much as you do. But face it: Your folks
and in-laws can also drive you crazy by
keeping your kids up late, deluging
them with gifts, or giving unsolicited
advice about how to parent properly.
HOW TO WORK I T OU T If you go
ballistic over minor infractions, you risk
making things worse. “Your parents will
think they’re helping your kid by ignoring
your rules,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D.,
a psychotherapist in Long Beach,
California. Limit your reprimands to
safety violations, such as putting an
infant to sleep on her stomach or
letting your child ride a bike without a
helmet, and to practices you hold dear,
such as not letting your kids watch TV
before bed. It’s also okay to explain
WHAT GRANDMA
WANTS YOU TO KNOW
There’s a lot you’d like to tell
your folks about raising kids.
Guess what? They have a few
things on their mind too.
Little treats from Grandma ren’t worth fighting over.
We’ll tell you when to stand your
ground with grandparents and how to
do it without inciting a conflict—so they
stay close to you and your kids.
YOUR GRIPE
“They hear my rules but
don’t listen to them.”
WHAT’S BEHIND I T It’s delicious fun for
your in-laws to let their grandchildren
watch movies all night or eat ice-cream
wa;es for breakfast. “They get to be
partners in crime,” says Karen Romine,
a marriage and family therapist in
Bellevue, Washington. Plus rule
breaking is an irresistible way to earn
a child’s a;ection, especially since
grandparents seldom have to deal with
the consequences of their actions.
your dismay if your parents or in-laws
repeatedly do things that complicate
your life, such as keeping a child up
hours past his bedtime.
When you have a talk, do it in private,
and control your temper. Say something
like, “We love it when you take Jason
overnight, but he absolutely needs to be
asleep by 8 P.M.” If the curfew o;enses
continue, call your parents 30 minutes
before bedtime to make sure your kids
are winding down. For grandparents
who won’t stick to the rules, remember:
You can always choose to pay someone
who will (and simply invite your parents
or in-laws to spend time with their
grandkids when you’re around).
Courtenay Labson, a mom of three in
Chevy Chase, Maryland, worked out a
;We’re much di;erent from when we raised you.
“I’m more relaxed now than I
was as a mom,” says Linda
Brant, a grandmother of two
in Bend, Oregon. “I’m not
consumed by milestones. All I
want is to love my grandkids.”
;Our schedules can get busy too. “I adore my
grandkids, but I have a job I
like, a lake house, and a huge
group of friends,” says
Lorraine Peppmuller, a
grandmother of eight in
Mokena, Illinois. “I still have
goals and aspirations.”
;We’re awed by how hard it is to care for your kids.
“The e;ort that goes into
raising a family today is
mind-boggling,” says Laura
Waisler, of Santa Monica,
California, who has four
grandkids. “Somehow it seems
a lot more stressful than it was
in our generation.”
;Don’t forget about us. “I live far away from my
grandkids and don’t get to
see them very often,” says
Shari Lewis, a grandmother
of two in Leawood, Kansas.
“So having them write a note,
make a drawing, or send an
e-mail lets me know they’re
thinking about me.”
;Our hearts are in the right place. “Just because
I give advice doesn’t mean I
think I was the perfect parent,”
says Jane Paul, a grandmother
of four in Tucson. “There are
things I know from having
more experience and distance.
I just want to help.”
