your child BEHAVIOR
Loving Your One and Only
Forget those negative stereotypes about spoiled, lonely onlies. There’s a lot you
can do to make sure your kid is totally happy and well-adjusted. BY SHARLENE K. JOHNSON
When my 3-year-old daughter, Devon, shrieks, “That’s mine!” and snatches a toy from her friend Chloe, I wince and wonder, as any parent would,
if this is a normal setback for a preschooler who’s still learning
how to share. But I also wonder, as only a parent with a single
child would, if I’ve doomed my kid to be selfish and lonesome
because she won’t ever live alongside a sibling.
While my rational side knows that my daughter will learn to
share and to care for others, I’m sure this won’t
be the last time I question the wisdom of
having only one child. It happens when
friends talk about how much they
love their siblings. It happens
when I need to get something
done and crave the luxury of
saying, “Go play with someone... who isn’t me.” It happens when I think about
Devon having sole responsibility for taking care
of me and her father
when we’re old. It happens when I’m swept
with a surge of baby lust
at the sight of a stranger
pushing a stroller—even
though I never intended
to have more than
one child and accept
(mostly) that my child-bearing days are done.
I know I’m not alone in
such thoughts. About one
out of every six families now
has just one child, making
only-child families nearly
twice as common today as
they were 30 years ago for a
variety of reasons. Couples are
marrying later in life, for example, which puts them at higher
risk for fertility problems. There
are also a growing number of
single people deciding to raise a
48 August 2009 Parents
family alone—and most stop at one child because it’s tough
enough being a single parent without being outnumbered.
And certainly, financial factors are more of an issue than ever.
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Although small families are common, it’s still hard to shake the
fear that you’re somehow damaging your child by not giving him
brothers or sisters. Only children, or “singletons,” have had a bad
You need
just one
to have a
cozy nest.
