your child BEHAVIOR
The -Second
Discipline Fix
If you want your kid to wash his hands, pick up his
trains, or give his sister’s tiara back, don’t ask—tell.
BY DIANE DEBROVNER
Let’s face it: If you had a dollar for
every time you wanted your child
to do something, paying the bills
would be painless. You need him to listen up so you can make it through the
day—and keep your home from becoming a total disaster zone. Yet, like most
parents, you probably don’t want to be
a nag (or a drill sergeant), so you constantly ask your child to cooperate. You
figure he’ll be more likely to pick up his
towel o the bathroom floor or sit down
at the dinner table if you come across as
friendly rather than bossy. After all, you’ll
catch more flies with honey, right?
It seems like a reasonable approach,
especially since that’s the way that we
typically talk to adults. “Being polite in
our society requires making indirect requests, such as ‘Can you pass the salt?’”
explains developmental psychologist Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., a Parents
advisor and coauthor of Baby Hearts. “If
you interpret this question literally—as
young children always do—it isn’t actually a request for salt, it’s a question of
whether or not the person is capable
of passing the salt.” (Of course, you’d
never expect your dinner companion
to simply answer, “Yes.”) So when you
ask your child, “Would you like to take
a bath now?” he thinks that you’re actually o ering him the opportunity to say
no—even though you really meant it as
A classic mistake:
Making a request,
but then tacking
on “Okay?” You’re
actually giving
your child the
right to refuse.
NORBERT SCHAFER VEER.
